I remember…

I remember when you stopped being there for me. Just like all those times when you were. I am not biased. I am not unfair. I am just. I remember your presence and absence alike. But you were there for me when I could have done without you. And you decided to stop, when I needed you the most. May be, you thought you’ve been for me enough. May be, you thought it was time for me to grow on my own, to have my thoughts reverberate in my chaotic mind instead of sharing them with you, to have my broken heart crushed further and mold it into something else, to take control of my life. All. On. My. Own.

Or may be, I am being too optimistic about you. May be, you were simply not there for me.

I remember crying into the night, as the pillow absorbed my loud screams. I remember going numb and staring into nothingness. On some days, that, would be the most peaceful moment.

I remember creating walls, strong enough to shut people out. I remember creating walls, weak enough for you to walk right back in.

I remember wanting to forget things, to forget you. I remember failing miserably. Over and over again. I remember learning to live with it. I remember hoping not to die with it. I remember so many things and nothing at all, all at once.

If only, you too remembered a little something.

If only, you remembered me.

On “Loss”…

It is not always about when you lose something. It’s about when you realize you’ve lost it. And are never going to get it back. It’s hard to tell whether each loss adds a burden to your existence or creates a void within you. May be, both. Who would have thought that voids could make you feel heavy? Ironical.

Casual Disconnect

Have you ever seen a leaking tap? I am sure you have. You don’t seem like someone who would give a damn about water shortage or water wastage. So, what I meant was, have you really gazed at a leaking tap, for long? By ‘long’ I mean about fifteen seconds. I hope you’re not lost enough to stare at it beyond that. And if you have, what was stopping you to actually get up and fix it? Whatever! So, the leaking tap; drops of water oozing out of it. Imagine a rusted tap, going through the emotional trauma each time a drop of water separates from its rim and ultimately becomes a victim of gravity. And before the poor old tap could get used to it, another drop sets out to set itself free. And then, it all contains, the pain, the trauma, the disbelief, the realization, denial, every emotion, in that moment – The moment of disconnection between one drop and another. If you look closely, you’ll discover that the theme of this post is as disconnected as that leaking tap. And the flow of my thoughts, worse.

 

 

Surpassing Vanity

One moment, I look ahead

A million stories run behind me

And a thousand others beside me.

I turn, but nothing changes.

Nothing but the direction,

Where I now gaze.

Some explicit tales,

Plethora of tacit ones –

Incessantly narrated.

Nothing changes.

So why should I?

Care to turn back

Care to confront

In a world where,

Assumptions guide notions

And story breeds stories.