I Lost You

 

I lost you
Bit by bit
One folly at a time
And with each tear that followed.

I lost you
A little every month
December, May & October
April and again in December

I lost you
Like one loses time
One moment culminating into another
Until one is not left with any more.

I lost you
Like one loses precious hair
Every single day
But thinks it’s okay.

I lost you
Memory by memory
Or may be all at once
You just hid it very well.

I lost you
Or did I?
May be it was you who lost
While I, just loved.

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I remember…

I remember when you stopped being there for me. Just like all those times when you were. I am not biased. I am not unfair. I am just. I remember your presence and absence alike. But you were there for me when I could have done without you. And you decided to stop, when I needed you the most. May be, you thought you’ve been for me enough. May be, you thought it was time for me to grow on my own, to have my thoughts reverberate in my chaotic mind instead of sharing them with you, to have my broken heart crushed further and mold it into something else, to take control of my life. All. On. My. Own.

Or may be, I am being too optimistic about you. May be, you were simply not there for me.

I remember crying into the night, as the pillow absorbed my loud screams. I remember going numb and staring into nothingness. On some days, that, would be the most peaceful moment.

I remember creating walls, strong enough to shut people out. I remember creating walls, weak enough for you to walk right back in.

I remember wanting to forget things, to forget you. I remember failing miserably. Over and over again. I remember learning to live with it. I remember hoping not to die with it. I remember so many things and nothing at all, all at once.

If only, you too remembered a little something.

If only, you remembered me.

A Sad Poem

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My heart aches tonight

In the saddest of ways

It bleeds the saddest of words

That tell the saddest of tales.

Often in such saddest of nights,

When my mind is demented

With the saddest of thoughts

My heart breaks into uncountable pieces.

And then you smile and so do I

And the pieces rejoin

 But cracks remain.

And then you leave

And so does my smile

And so my broken heart breaks yet again

Twice the uncountable pieces this time

And this goes on for a while

Until the sadness of the saddest of nights

Transcends into numbness

And leave me benumbed

In my sad little world.

Bit by bit

With the break of twilight,

Dawns the gloom.

Deep penetrating sorrow

Lurking in the air

Seeping in, bit by bit

Through the invisible pores

Infecting every cell,

Taking over the mind,

Amputating the soul

To ruinous remains

Plunging the mechanical heart

Into an ocean of nothingness

All at a time, bit by bit

Bit. By. Bit.