Who Am I?

 

Identity

What you’re about to read ahead is not a piece of fiction. It is not about something ordinary. It is not even about someone ordinary. Moreover, it is not as dramatic as it probably sounds.

Not to brag or anything but I was awarded a certificate for being born. Birth Certificate, you see. My superpower is to cross the road safely and get hit by a parked car. But I am no superwoman. I am extraordinary in ordinary ways and yet ordinary in extraordinary ways. In fact (don’t be scared) by ability to disappoint can disappoint your ability to disappoint.

I think more than I think I can afford to think. And in the process, come up with something that might leave you amazed. The by-products of this entire thinking process are some really fatal PJs. Excessive dosage of the same might lead to consistent fits of laughter which may impair your hearing, speaking and working ability.

Need a proof? Okay.

“A Levi Strauss outlet was caught in a fire last night. There were many casual tees.”

“The Indian monsoon does some path-breaking work every year.”

Funny? No? Okay try this –

“Chodd di khudaayi maine tere lie – A farmer in love”

There are more. Many more. Did I tell you I have a PhD in cracking lame jokes? I often use it as a weapon to get people to do things I want them to do. They get tired and give in eventually. A hundred per cent success rate.

Also, I love writing in general and dislike writing introductions in particular. You know where I am going with this, don’t you?

On a totally unrelated topic, my birthday is on April 24th. I share it with the God (SACHIN..!!). I count my wishes, my presents and your presence.

By the way, my name is Somya Singh. Okay now enough about me. Tell me, what do you think about me?

 

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P.S This is how I introduced myself in Round One of a placement I sat for, today. And I was called for an interview.

Mere Brother Ki Dulhan : Love Marriage versus Arranged Marriage.

My eldest brother has always been the most obedient of all the three of us in my house. He is a little different in his etiquette from other guys simply because he possesses some really good habits that many guys and few girls (like me) do not own! For instance, he cleans his room and wakes up early in the morning and takes a bath and blah! Blah!! Blah!!! And when the time for his marriage came, he handed over the responsibility of finding him a bride to my Mom and Dad (quite expected!). Delighted by his sense of reverence, my parents began their hunt for Mere Brother Ki Dulhan on various matrimonial sites. (I am sure most of you are aware of those sites!)

Now let me explain the backdrop here. My brother is about six feet in height and slim. So, we wanted a tall girl for him (at least over 5’3″) with a slim figure. He has a wheatish complexion and thus, a girl with a lighter complexion would be jussssst fine. My father gives a high priority to education, hence, a girl with a strong academic background. . Also, because my brother is an Engineer + MBA, the girl must match his qualifications. Since our family is a respectable one(that’s my Dad’s language), the girl’s family background must be decent too. Apart from these basic requirements, they also looked for smartness, good manners, lesser liabilities and more assets, good financial conditions, etc. etc. Caste wasn’t such a great issue on our side but still they avoided inter-caste girls as much as they could. In short, we looked for a complete package! The only thing that we did not want was Dowry! The terms and conditions were duly mentioned and photographs were displayed on the profile of www.shaadi.com , www.bharatmatrimony.com  andwww.rajputmatrimony.com (Promotion of these sites is not at all intended)

Now when you begin checking out various profiles on such sites, irrespective of gender, your search involves the following steps:

1.     Read the full name. (In order to determine the religion/caste)

2.     Find out the Gotra

3.     Look at the photograph

4.     Look at the physical features

5.     Analyze the qualifications

6.     Current city and hometown

7.     Annual income

8.     Number of brothers/sisters (Liabilities!)

9.     Hobbies, interests etc (People barely notice that)

10. View Phone number/contact/express interest/send mail.

Now while some people get rejected right at step 1, others get rejected at step 3 or step 7. The least important step is usually step 9. Who cares about the convictions of a person when he/she is good-looking and earns a lot! Following a more or less similar pattern, we scanned various profiles, contacted some and avoided others. In a similar fashion, my brother’s profile got dismissed too, although i can’t really tell the exact step up to which he qualified. In arrange marriages, people certainly look out for a complete package. They are so not ready to compromise at even a single thing. I remember viewing some random girl’s profile who was merely a graduate from a not-so-good university but was pretty. She expected a groom whose annual income be above 50 Lacs. This led to another observation. A person must possess at least one of the three:

  • Looks
  • Wealth
  • Education

Having even one of the three qualities increases the prospects of getting a good life partner. Having none of these means, settling down for something less than what you could have got if you had a love marriage (I shall come to that in a little while). And if a person doesn’t have enough of any of these, then uski tohRam milaye jodi…

When a person falls in love, the sweetness of someone’s voice happens to be more important than the thickness of the lips. He/she becomes more sensitive to the tender touch than the complexion of the skin. It does not matter if they look good together; what matters is that they are great together. Even one’s gender has become irrelevant now! Perhaps that’s why they say, love is blind. A person does not become blind in love, or, in other words, fails to perceive things. He does notice the flaws that exist. The point is that they are not as weighty to him as to the rest of the world. While the smallest factor, be it the shape of the nose or the size of the forehead, becomes extremely significant in an arrange marriage, a love marriage has the ability to even overcome the barriers created by religion and caste.  Height, weight, complexion, financial status, family background, etc. are not at all a trouble. I have seen a number of weird looking couples- a six feet tall guy with a girl who’s barely five feet or a fat chick with a lean guy. They find each other irresistible despite such physical and materialistic defects. Their love for one another and perhaps, to some extent, their qualifications and wealth, counts way more than their minor imperfections (After all, sirf pyaar se pet nahi bharta!).

Just like the two sides of a coin, both, arrange marriage and love marriage have their own sets of pros and cons. But when the question of either one’s superiority arises, I would simply like to believe in destiny. I feel that any relation that is guided by circumstances emerges the strongest in any kind of situation. An association created by human beings is subject to estrangement but the one that results from a game of fate lasts. As a matter of fact, ‘serendipity’ has become one of my favorite words (and movie too!). And instead of getting myself trapped in a tussle between the two kinds of marriages, I would love to count on serendipity.

P.S. This post has been submitted for the currently trending topic on Indiblogger , “Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage!” https://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

55 Word Story : WORK

 

It was 1993. Ramu woke up every morning and went to work. Stink, filth and muck were his children, apart from seven others. “Government passes The Employment of Manual Scavengers and Construction of Dry Latrines (Prohibition) Act”. Ramu lost his job. The Act posed a question on his existence. Who would sweep their poop henceforth?

 

 

55 Word Story : WATER

Image

He travelled long and far for days. He was exhausted and thirsty. It was war. He could trust no one. He spotted a river. ‘It could be poisoned’, he thought. After dragging himself a few more miles away, he lied down, unable to move. Thirst overcame him and he died a martyr’s death.

 

55 Word Story : BOTTLE

 

 

She ran, gasping for air. People ran after her. She scuttled all the way from the little shop at the corner of the street to the filthy niche where she lived. She turned back. She had left them all behind her. She finally revealed the bottle of milk she had stolen and fed her child.

 

 

55 Word Story : CLANDESTINE

She has gorgeous hair!” people would say whenever Hillary flaunted her long and silky hair in the latest Shampoo advertisement. Hilary was everywhere. She saw the city bus carry her picture too. She sat in front of the mirror and gazed feebly at her wig. She has been undergoing chemotherapy for over a year now.

Us Naadan Ko Kya Khabar Thi…

Wo har subah apne chehre par sunblock laga kar nikalti thi

Lekin us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ke is garmi mein, logo ke jeene ke laale pade hain.

 

Apni pasand ki juttiya na milne par, wo apni kismat ko kosa karti thi

Par us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ke kuch logo ko toh paero ke bina bhi jeena seekhna pada.

 

Burger ki chaah me, wo haath me pakdi ice-cream phek kar chala gaya

Lekin us naadan ko kya maalum

Ke wahi kachre ke dibbe se nikli cone aaj khana hai kisi ka.

 

Har mahine apni tankhwah ko, wo juve me udata

Lekin us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ke ek maa ne chand rupyo ki wajah se apna beta khoya tha.

 

Wo har thaki shaam ko, bath-tub me ghanto bitaya karti thi

Par us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ki us gaon ki aurte do matki pani ke liye meelo chala karti thi.

 

Us roz party me, Uska aanchal chai se jo rang gaya

Agle din Municipality ki van se wo aanchal, jhaankte hue kachre ke dher me chala gaya

Lekin us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ki jhopri me rehne wali us aurat ko, barso se utaran ki ek saree tak naseeb na hui.

 

Din raat wo ek hi khwaab sajati thi

Bheed me apna chehra chamakte dekhna chahti thi

Lekin us naadan ko kya khabar thi

Ki agar bheed na hoti, toh shayad chamak ki gunjaish hi na hoti.