Albert Einstein said, “Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.” Well if that’s the case, then the World is brimming with nincompoops! The internet is flooded with anger management tips. At times, I can get really cranky and in view of the fact that I am a terrible anger manager, such words of wisdom have no effect on me. For those of you falling in my category of people, I cannot suggest ways to control your fury but from my experience (and few others’), I can suggest few things that you should NEVER do when cross.
1. Keep your mouth shut– The more you speak in resentment, the more you tend to screw things up. Remember, the one who is wrong will speak the most and the worst. You need not settle the matter immediately. However, you must do it calmly later.
2. Never leave a matter unsettled– When we lose our temper, we often come up with arguments that are related to some unresolved incidents that happened in the past. This struggle for proving oneself right simply makes the situation worse. Sorting out grudges is important provided the matter is big enough to be termed a ‘grudge’. Learn to avoid little things (Nobody is perfect, not even you!)
3. Avoid mental abuses– Avoid abusing even in your thoughts. If you can think it, sooner or later, you can spill it out too!
4. Never stand in the vicinity of expensive and breakable stuff– This is the most important point and requires great care. Avoid holding cell phones, i-pods, tabs, laptops, net-books, etc. in your hands or keeping near your reach when irate. Your vexation may lead to a heavy financial loss apart from other repercussions.
5. Avoid telephonic conversation– Eyeball to eyeball confrontation requires guts. Also, when speaking over phone, you cannot make out the tone of the person you are talking to accurately as you cannot eye his/her facial expressions. Thus, talking over phone often makes circumstances more crappy.
6. Never preserve the evidence– James Fallows said, “Always write angry letters to your enemies. Never mail them.” Well my piece of advice is to erase any note written in anger, the question of mailing the same does not arise! Expressing your anger in a written form is not a bad idea but securing the same is insane. You never know when things begin to work out between you and the person concerned and in such a situation, the piece of crap that you wrote will simply reduce everything to rubble.
7. Never stay alone– Avoid being a loner especially when you are heated. Talk to a friend, family member or even a stranger and express your emotions. If you feel like crying, cry! Remember, nobody is MARD enough to lack any emotion. Moreover, this will help you avoid depending on drugs, cigarettes or alcohol.
8. Never rely on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol– This is mainly an extension of the above point. If you have been drinking or smoking before now, it’s fine (by me; certainly, not good for your health though) But things go wrong when you START smoking/ drinking/ taking drugs because things slip out of your hand (including your anger.) It’s like investing on a scheme that gives satisfactory returns in the short-term ONLY.
9. Never switch off your cell phone– You may not wish to talk to anybody when you are fuming but others might try to contact you. And who knows, they may have something really good to share or something that requires your immediate attention and what not! A great personality has said(I don’t really know who; It’s a dialogue from some movie that my Dad passed on to me),”Jab insaan ka waqt kharab hota hai na, toh wo uut par bhi baitha ho toh bhi use kutta kaat leta hai” This argument may not be totally convincing but the heart of the matter is, you should not switch off your cell phone.
10. Never become a slave of Pessimism– Never compare a present situation with an incident that took place in the past or assume anything for the future. Two state of affairs can be similar but not identical. So, be optimistic and just believe!
Everybody, at some point of time, feels that he cannot take it anymore. At this moment, anger is obvious as well as genuine. Anger is considered ‘bad’ because in 97% of the cases, it’s employed unconstructively. In my opinion, it’s not so unscrupulous if we focus on its productive maneuver. For instance, kick-boxing, gym, running, shooting and lots of others activities can make use of anger in an affirmative manner. Anger results in passion and once you get obsessed with something, nothing can stop you. Obsession, again, some may say, conveys a negative spirit. However, I would still say that it depends upon the way you bring it into play.
There’s a simple rule that I follow in this regard. If the magnitude of the matter that makes you cranky is greater than the relationship you share with a person then let your anger out. On the contrary, if the issue is not big enough then do not let it overcome your bond with the person.
This article was basically an effort to share few details that you perhaps already know! I may have missed out on many more points. If you can come up with some more points, do share…
P.S. This article has been shifted from my erstwhile blog, Candid Convictions… and was written over a year ago.